The Early Days of Adapting to the Single Dad Life

I transitioned from a routine of working all day, spending a few evening hours with my family, and then working again. I was the provider, and although I worked hard, I always made time for my children and household chores. My ex-wife managed the children and the house, which was her role and her way of contributing. When our marriage ended abruptly, I had to handle everything alone for 2-3 months before my ex resumed some childcare responsibilities.

The transition brought more responsibilities, pressure, and stress. It was also a time of feeling low and questioning how things had reached this point.

Answering Key Questions

Let me answer some key questions: How long did it take to adapt? Did I find it hard? What were the most challenging parts? Do I still find things challenging today? How did I do it? Are there any tips? I'll cover as much as I can to help you on your journey.

For me, it took about two weeks to fully adapt. It wasn’t easy or straightforward, but a "kick up the bum" moment helped speed things along. One particularly tough day, I was exhausted from work, house chores, childcare, and lack of sleep—it had been a long week. Feeling isolated, I called someone I thought would help, only to be laughed at.

This only made me stronger and more determined, and I realised I had to do this on my own. I laid down on my bed and cried. Once I had got it out of my system, I felt a tad less stressed and could start to think more clearly. I had to work out what I was doing wrong and what I could do differently to not feel like this again.

It was a combination of factors that led to not getting the balance right. For example, I realised that managing my time efficiently was crucial. Instead of cleaning up after the kids multiple times a day, I started doing a quick tidy-up once they were in bed. This saved me a lot of time and energy. I was shopping once a day on the way back from school, whereas now I order online and get it delivered once every week or two. I played and did activities with the kids all day like I did for those hours in the evening when, in fact, I should encourage them to play together at times or have movie sessions. Establishing a consistent routine helped immensely. I set specific times for homework, play, and bedtime, which provided structure for the kids and made my days more predictable.

A couple of main challenges were finding the right balance in areas I wasn't used to managing, working out what needed to be done, how to do it, and where it fitted within the day. Even though I was getting the food delivered, I still needed to look through everything, find the stuff the kids like, get them snacks, fruit, meals, drinks, etc., as that was never my role. I also had to start cooking every day and making different things, which was a challenge as well.

Working out what needs to be done and how to do it in your life is very important. Even if you think you have a solution, it might not be the right or best one. You need to keep reassessing until you have a routine that is comfortable and doesn't lead to exhaustion or heightened stress.

How have you managed to balance work and parenting? Share your tips in the comments!

During this period, I also had to manage and control my emotions about the breakup. I went through various stages. The first couple of weeks, which aligned with my transition, were spent still fighting for what we had. I still had some hope that things would get better and we would be a whole family again. This never happened, and in the following weeks, I came up with a method that worked, allowing me to move on and get over the heartache fairly easily. You’ll find out how I did this in my next posts.

Remember, every step forward, no matter how small, is progress. Keep pushing forward