Setting Yourself New Goals

The goals I had set over the last 11 years revolved around my partner and our family. Goals like settling down, having kids, getting married, buying a house, providing, holidays, milestones, etc. So, at the end of a breakup, you can feel lost, wondering what to do with yourself now and what to work towards.

Aug 5, 2024 - 21:01
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Setting Yourself New Goals

Defining new goals will help you have a new focus, provide you with motivation, and give you something to keep working towards, taking your mind off everything else and feeling great when you achieve one. You need to remember it's you and the kids now; the goals you set will be about you and them. What can you do to make your life better? What can you do to make your children's lives better?

I thought it might be helpful if I provide you with some of my current and long-term goals, as well as give you examples of some goals that you might set.

My Goals

You can set as many or as few goals as you like. My list is currently growing as I plan the next stages of my life, but I have a few immediate goals.

Savings

When my relationship ended, I found myself without any savings. Despite working two jobs, there was never any money left at the end of the month. This wasn't due to a lack of income, but rather a result of my partner's lifestyle, and perhaps mine as well.

Having savings is crucial. It provides a safety net for unexpected expenses and allows flexibility for things like school trips, ballet exams, birthdays, holidays, and home repairs. My initial goal is to save £2,000. It may not seem like much, but it’s a significant first step towards financial security.

You can always set yourself new saving goals once you have reached the first one.

Investing

Once you start saving, it's a good idea to consider investing as well. Historically, investments have shown higher returns compared to traditional savings accounts.

While savings accounts offer a modest annual interest of about 3-4%, they are safe, secure, and protected.

Investments, on the other hand, can yield returns ranging from 35% to even 1000%. However, they come with higher risks, less protection, and require some research. For example, cryptocurrencies offer high returns but are riskier compared to investing in stocks.

You can also invest in property, but for now, let's focus on more achievable options.

Investing demonstrates financial responsibility and secures your financial stability. It's crucial to avoid situations where you have to tell your children, "We can't afford this," or "We can't have heating as the boiler doesn't work." So it's important to have a combination of savings and investments.

Memories

As much as we don't want our children to be brought up across two separated households and even step-parents, it's important to accept it and move on. Children will always look back and wonder why things happened, so now more than ever, it's crucial to start making memories.

Spend quality time together engaging in various activities. Play board games, solve puzzles, paint, draw, or enjoy outdoor activities like going to the park, riding bikes, and visiting soft play areas. Take trips to the zoo or museums to explore and learn together. Enjoy movie nights, bake cookies, or create DIY projects at home. Plan weekend getaways or camping trips to build strong, lasting bonds.

Don't be one of those parents who, when home from school, leaves their children to entertain themselves. Instead, actively participate in their lives. Help with homework, attend their school events, and listen to their stories. Create moments they will cherish forever, reinforcing the bond between you and providing them with a sense of security and love.

You want them to look back when they are older and say, "My dad was always there for me. We used to do so many fun things together."

Meet Someone New

Finding a new connection can come at different times for everyone. If you’re coming out of a toxic breakup, it's nice to surround yourself with love, though nothing too serious at first; you will need time for yourself to heal and reflect. Building a new connection can put you in a happy spot, like a bubble, providing enough comfort to keep pain and stress at bay.

If you aren't looking for a romantic relationship, focus on making new friends. Join clubs, attend community events, or participate in activities that interest you. This not only helps in expanding your social circle but also provides emotional support and new perspectives. Building a network of friends can be incredibly fulfilling and supportive during this transition period.

Be Happy

Look for things that make you happy. This can be things like relaxing while watching a film, playing VR, going out for a drink or two, spending time with friends or family, listening to music, learning something new, taking up a new hobby, doing some decorating, etc. Find as many things that currently make you happy and build them into your daily routine. It makes such a difference, especially at times when you are feeling low and not sure what to do with yourself.

Better Yourself

This is a time to focus on self-improvement. By bettering yourself, your children will benefit too. Set various goals under this heading to make positive changes in your life.

For example, joining the gym has been a significant improvement for me. Initially, I struggled to ride 10k and it took me 45 minutes, but now I can ride 10k (and more) in around 31 minutes.

Another area of improvement is cooking. My skills were very basic at first, but now I can make meals from scratch. While I'm not yet able to cook fancy dishes, I can prepare decent meals like paella and risotto that go down well.

Consider improving other areas as well, such as learning a new language, developing a new hobby, or enhancing your professional skills. All these improvements will not only benefit you but also set a great example for your children.

Learn Something New

For me, this meant improving my writing skills and creating a personal blog, The Dad's Life. I love helping people and sharing my way of thinking so others can learn from it.

You can learn a variety of new skills based on your interests and needs. For example, if you have daughters, you can learn how to style their hair, which can be a fun and bonding activity.

It's never too late to try something new, like playing the guitar or another musical instrument. Taking lessons or self-teaching through online resources can be incredibly rewarding.

Additionally, consider learning practical skills such as cooking new cuisines, woodworking, or even DIY home repairs.

Engaging in creative pursuits like painting, photography, or crafting can also be fulfilling and provide a relaxing outlet for stress. These activities can also be shared with your children, fostering creativity and quality time together.

Embrace the opportunity to expand your horizons and enrich your life with new experiences and knowledge.

Focus on Work

Having a career as opposed to just a job is a significant distinction. A career offers growth potential and the possibility to advance to higher positions, while a job often involves fulfilling a role without much room for advancement.

First, focus on getting yourself into a career. Once on that path, seek ways to advance to the next level. Identify necessary training and skills, such as leadership and management, that will help you progress.

If you're already established in your career, look for ways to add more value and improve processes. Adopt a continuous improvement mindset, always seeking the next opportunity to enhance your work and contribute more effectively. This approach not only benefits your career but also improves your mindset, self-worth, and sense of belonging.

For me, I am giving my career my all: networking, improving my processes, setting new targets, making improvements, pushing myself to stand out, and above all, ensuring my job is as secure as possible.

My Businesses

I have never agreed with the 9-5 mindset, with corporate ladders to climb and set wages. Although I have a 9-5 job, I have it because I need the money. I can't rely solely on my businesses as they don't currently offer the security and stability I need, especially when I am responsible for two children. Now I have a bit more free time on my hands, I can put some of it to good use and focus on making them more stable and more profitable.

Other Examples

These arent on my list but should help you add some goals to your own list. Give it a go 

 

Fitness Goals

  • Run a marathon

  • Achieve a specific weightlifting milestone

  • Practice yoga daily

  • Swim a certain distance

Educational Goals

  • Enroll in a course related to your career

  • Learn a new language

  • Read a book every month

  • Get a certification in a new field

Career Goals

  • Get a promotion

  • Start a side business

  • Network with industry leaders

  • Develop a new skill

Financial Goals

  • Save a specific amount of money

  • Create a budget and stick to it

  • Pay off debt

  • Invest in stocks or mutual funds

Personal Development Goals

  • Meditate daily

  • Keep a journal

  • Attend a personal development workshop

  • Practice mindfulness

Family Goals

  • Plan a family vacation

  • Start a family tradition

  • Have regular family game nights

  • Teach your kids a new skill

Hobby Goals

  • Take up a new hobby like painting or gardening

  • Join a club or group

  • Participate in a hobby-related event

  • Complete a project related to your hobby

Health Goals

  • Drink more water

  • Eat a balanced diet

  • Get regular medical check-ups

  • Quit a bad habit like smoking

Social Goals

  • Make new friends

  • Reconnect with old friends

  • Volunteer in your community

  • Host a social event

Travel Goals

  • Visit a new country

  • Go on a road trip

  • Explore your local area

  • Take a solo trip

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